Reflection
by SophieSaulie
Summary: Sequel to Plan B. Bobby and the boys take time to reflect.


**Reflection**

**A sequel to Plan B**

Dean had volunteered to take the first watch. Bobby had argued that Dean wasn't in any shape, that he needed to get some sleep, but Dean had insisted saying he couldn't sleep anyway and heard Bobby grumbling something about being stubborn like his father as he went up the stairs. Dean had to smile. Bobby's predictable and caring nature was a comfort to him. Truth was, Dean was tired, but couldn't sleep even if he willed himself to try. He knew his body better than anyone and it just wasn't going to go down willingly, if at all. Why toss and turn in bed when he could just as easily watch over the place? Watch over the people he cared about more than his own life. It was something innate in him and he had never regretted the purpose it gave him. It had kept him alive when nothing else made sense.

He couldn't explain it, call it hunter's instincts, but he knew they wouldn't get any more visitors. Azazel had done his bit to scare them and had left his threat to simmer in their minds. Castiel and Anna just remained stoic, showing no emotion, but Dean knew they were just as uncertain as he, Sam and Bobby were. They disappeared shortly after Azazel did, probably to regroup. Not a bad idea Dean thought. They all needed some kind of strategy, but everyone was at a loss as to what their next move would be. Dean walked over to Bobby's desk and poured a shot glass-full of Bobby's "finest" whiskey. He fingered it for a few minutes, allowing himself to gaze at the amber fluid as if it held answers for him. He then thought better of it and put the glass down.

"Good idea," said a voice behind him.

Dean turned slowly around knowing whom the voice belonged to.

"Don't have to throw holy water on you, do I?"

"Don't be an idjit," Bobby scolded.

Dean chuckled. He knew that Bobby had gotten the same tattoo as he and Sam had. At least they'd be protected from getting possessed. Small comfort given the big bad awaiting them in a darkness that none of them had ever traveled.

"Thought you were going to get some sleep," Dean said with a smile.

Bobby walked over to Dean.

"Yeh, well, guess I can't sleep either. So sue me."

Dean smiled wide and walked to the couch, Bobby joining him on the other side. They both sat down.

"Bobby?"

"Yeh?"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For always sticking your neck out for us."

"Believe me, stretch it any farther and I'll become a giraffe," Bobby teased, but saw the sincerity in Dean's eyes. "Dean, you're family. It's what family does for each other. I could say the same for both of you."

Dean smiled and patted Bobby's shoulder.

"Bet you didn't bargain for this, huh?"

"Who would?" Bobby teased. "But it doesn't change anything. We're going in together."

Dean heaved a sigh of relief. Bobby's words were a comfort.

"I'm worried, Bobby."

"I'd be surprised if you weren't."

"So much depends on me winning this thing and I just…" Dean shook his head slowly.

"Look, I know you well enough not to have to tell you you'll do the best you can because I know you'll do that and then some, but one thing you will have to let go of."

"What's that?"

"Us."

"What?" Dean said, a little shocked.

"When the time comes, no matter what's happening with me or Sam, you have to finish Lucifer, you can't be worrying about us and get the job done."

"Bobby, I don't know I–" Dean said, the thought warring with his instincts.

"Dean, your greatest strength is how much you care for people, put them before yourself, especially Sam, but it's also your greatest weakness. I know you already know that. In this battle, it won't make a lick of difference to either of us if you put us before putting Lucifer down back in his cage. If you get yourself killed…" Bobby said, swallowing a lump down his throat at the thought of losing Dean in the fight, "we'll all wish we were dead with you."

Dean understood and Bobby was right. If he failed, then he'd be leaving the world, let alone the ones he loved, at the mercy of Lucifer. Knowing that they would fight was cold comfort.

"I get that, Bobby," Dean said.

"I hate that you have to do this."

"That makes two of us," Dean joked a little, "but in a strange way, it's okay. I'm a little scared, okay, **a lot** scared, but I know it has to be done and I'm going to fight my damnedest to get it done."

"I know you will, son," Bobby said, his chest tightened with pride. "And I promise you, you won't be alone."

Dean nodded.

"I also made another promise," Bobby said. "I'm off the sauce for good. I'm never going to let myself get that wasted again. Maybe if I hadn't, Sam…"

Dean looked over at Bobby and had never considered what his death would do to him or that Bobby would still blame himself for what had happened with Sam.

"Don't blame yourself, Bobby. It wasn't your fault."

"Maybe, maybe not, but I'm not going to change my mind. I won't let you down again."

"Bobby, you, of all people, have never let me down. Never let either of us down."

Bobby nodded hesitantly, not completely believing.

"I owe you for kicking some sense into me. I needed to hear it. I just wish I had been smart from the start then I could have been with Sam, stop Ruby, instead, I walked away, did the one thing I shouldn't have done."

"It's not your fault, Dean," Sam said as he entered the room.

"Does anyone sleep anymore?" Bobby joked.

"Apparently not," Dean said as Sam joined the men, sitting in a chair opposite them.

"I'm sorry I drove you both away. I still can't believe that I let Ruby string me along like that."

"Don't be too hard on yourself. We all trusted her," Bobby said. "She helped me fix the Colt, remember? I'm pretty jaded and hell, she had me going."

"Yeh and I…" Dean said, disgust written on his face, feigning a distasteful swallow for effect. "I thanked her…"

Sam smiled a little, knowing Dean was teasing not judging Sam for trying to convince him to believe in Ruby.

"Look, she had us all going, Sam -" Dean said.

"Yeh, but she didn't make you break Lucifer out," Sam said solemnly.

Dean took in a breath. He knew it wouldn't be easy to have Sam get past what he had done. It would take awhile and it should. If Sam could get over what he had done in a flash, then that would have been Dean's first signal that something was very wrong. Sam's regret was healthy and if anyone knew about making bad decisions, it was Dean and he hadn't gotten over his regrets just yet either. It would take time for Sam to come to terms with what he had done, time that Dean was more than willing to give him, he just wasn't sure how long Lucifer or the World would.

Bobby watched the two brothers and knew that though they were on the way to repairing their relationship, they were going to have to get past some serious hurdles first. If Bobby possessed any kind of faith, it was with these boys. They had gone through a lot, put each other through a lot. Scabs were forming over the wounds they had inflicted and healing was taking place, he was sure of that. They just needed time and he hoped that they would get that time before everything broke loose. Still, even if not, Bobby knew that the boys he considered like his sons would find their way back to the easy rapport they once had. He knew in his old bones that they had come to terms with what had already happened between them and were moving forward, together and on the same page for the first time in a long time. That was a start.

"Well, one of us should get some shut eye. I'll be down to relieve you in a few hours and I don't want any argument, got me?"

"Yeh, Bobby," Dean said with a grin.

Bobby left the brothers alone and Dean looked over to watch the look of despair on Sam's face. He hated it when Sam was hurting. Even at his angriest, Dean hated it when Sam was suffering even when he was the one inflicting the pain. Deserved or not, Dean should have known better and yet he had to admit the sting of Sam's betrayal still burned and he was finding it hard to gloss over it, but he also knew that he would deal eventually, that the sting would heal because he had Sam back again. That was the most important thing. They were together again.

"You're not alone, Sam. I get where you're coming from," Dean said, breaking the silence between them.

Sam looked up at Dean and realized that Dean really did. He always had. What he went through in Hell more than qualified and Sam felt ashamed that he felt that his actions were more important, that they were the only things that counted. He also hated himself for treating Dean's guilt for what he had done there as trivial.

"I know," Sam said softly. "And I'm sorry for thinking what happened to you in Hell didn't matter. It matters, Dean. It matters."

Dean watched Sam's expression and was warmed by it. It was the first time Sam had sincerely acknowledged what had happened to him there. It soothed some of the hurt.

"Thanks," Dean said softly. "I want you to know that what you're going through, I understand it, hell, I'm still trying to make peace with what I did. I'm not there yet, maybe I never will be…and maybe that's a good thing."

Dean took in a breath, but Sam saw no pain, just acceptance.

"So, you don't have to hide anything from me anymore. I've been there. Beating yourself up about it won't change things, it never will. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better and I promise that this time, you won't go it alone."

Sam smiled. He couldn't begin to describe how relieved he felt at that moment, how Dean's assurances, just like the kind he used to make when they were kids, made him feel less weighted with the guilt, like he could breathe again and not hate himself for being able to do it. He hadn't felt that for months. It was the one thing that Ruby could never give him. He had just convinced himself to do without it. Even when Dean had come back, he had become so used to just relying on his own self-assurances, now realizing how false they were, he couldn't let them go and they had turned him into a defensive and arrogant son of a bitch, someone whose insecurities would make him the perfect vehicle to killing Lillith. Ruby had read him perfectly and had patiently nurtured his fragile ego.

"Same here, Dean," Sam said as a feeling of uncertainty hit him.

"What? What is it?"

"I'm scared, Dean. I mean, yeh, about Lucifer and the Apocalypse, but I'm scared about what all the demon blood might have done to me. I feel different."

Dean took in a breath and remembered his words to Castiel about taking Sam as is and he had meant it.

"I know you are, but I'm telling you what I told Cas, no matter what, you're still my brother. THAT hasn't changed and never will. I know you don't feel it right now, but when you realized what Ruby had made you do, I saw something that told me that you were still the Sam who's my brother."

"What's that?"

"Your heart, Sammy. You were sorry for what you did. You didn't want what happened to happen. You thought you were stopping the Apocalypse and when you found out what Ruby had done to you, you were devastated. A demon doesn't feel that. A demon has no regrets. You do. That's the difference and why you will never be a monster."

Sam looked into Dean's eyes and saw them rimmed with tears and he understood. Dean was feeling regret for calling him that, for thinking that and Sam felt the brotherly love that he had been blocking or denying all those months.

"Thanks, Dean."

"Sorry I didn't say it sooner or that I called you that in the first place. It was completely out of line and I never believed it, Sam."

"Yeh, you did, Dean and it's okay. I was a monster in a way, no different than Jack Montgomery. I feel like a hypocrite for defending his ability to make choices, to choose not to become a monster when I did exactly what he did. Ruby called it right. She didn't make me do anything, she just laid out the choices and I made every one she wanted me to. I can't even blame her."

"Well, I can," Dean said.

Sam smiled, but then it faded.

"What are we going to do?"

"What we do best, Sammy. Find the son of a bitch and kill him. Together."

There was such a sense of purpose in Dean's voice, even certainty, that it made Sam believe that they could do it. He knew it wouldn't be easy. He also knew that in the end, no matter how much Dean played up defeating Lucifer together, he believed the angels, he knew that Dean would have to be the one to finish it, to finish the beast and that was the only part of his participation in the fiasco awaiting them that hurt. If he had just stopped to think, not let Ruby rule him, not let Lillith taunt him, lead him into doing exactly what was expected, then Dean wouldn't be facing any of it. Didn't matter that Dean would say he had started it in Hell, for Sam, it was no longer about him releasing Lucifer, it was about Dean having to save the world on his own because Sam had been simply insecure. It seemed small and petty that it all came down to that fact.

"Yeh, Dean, we will," was all Sam could say.

It was all Sam could promise Dean for now.

**FIN. Hope you enjoyed it. There may be more sequels in the offing, but for now, I hope you enjoyed the read. Thanks for reading.**


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